your words left a dagger in my heart.

the final entry.

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 11:26:22 GMT

its been a good run but im ready to start over. again.

ive been through a lot while i had this journal along with all that stupid drama. relationships formed and relationships ended.
i finished high school.
the list goes on and on and on.....

the point is add my new livejournal ____youcantstop. isnt it so trendy! with the underscores and everything!! okay im proud. ill update in my new one.

FRIENDS!!! PLEASE ADD ME!!

and goodbye journal, youre free now!

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 23:49:31 GMT

FALLOUTBOY HERE I COME BITCH!

I KNEW ALL THAT HOPING WOULD DO ME GOOD.!!

madeline!! things always work out for me, its just the way things happen

hmm

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 05:00:36 GMT

man this week really sucks, i have in house suspension. that means that i have to goto school half an hour earlier and do nothing in a classroom until school ends. for four damn days. im gonna go insane by friday. oh well.

hopefully on friday i can goto the fallout boy show, i really NEED to go, or my week will be very gayyyy. so please, cross your fingers for me, so that i get those tickets.

anyways, i duno really what to write but i really wanna see lion king 1.5! that looks so dope.
im really clueless on what to write right now so ill end it here.

wuzzah

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 09:11:19 GMT

im watching conan and hes soo funny and im talking to tara and it makes me happy. this weekend was fun. on friday i hung out with tara at the mall. she bought me a phone!! oh and everytime i pick it up, i think of how much i needed it. and im so thankful!. she saw me eat a sandwich from the steak escape and then we went to the bookstore and i read her a children story. it was very sweet. it was about a rabbit. it made me go awh. i think it made her go awh too. so we both went awh. we headed over to starbucks and talked. but there were a lot of people there. there was a shortage of chairs. her mom picked her up. a little too soon if you ask me and i walked home.

on saturday, i went bowling. too bad that was the worst bowling day ever. everyone played a really bad game. it was okay because after bowling i met up with eunice and olivia and we went and saw kill bill. that makes it my third time watching it. it was still good except when the anime part started i had to go pee. but i decided to wait cuz i didnt wanna get outta my seat and disturb anyone so i had to sit with my legs crossed and wait till the end. i felt like dying. and i was sick and so everytime i coughed, my stomach hurted!.

sunday i had band practice.

im really happy right now. things are looking up in my life. and i hope you get your license wednesday!! my dad told me he would buy me a car as soon as i got accepted into a college. so im excited about that. oh and you wont fail your final so stop boo-hooing. just study and youll do fine.

hearts.

whatevs

Thu, 08 Jan 2004 08:02:12 GMT

"If the world that we are forced to accept is false and nothing is true, then everything is possible"

i decided that this is what is going under my senior picture. great quote. way better than my lame accomplishments.

life has been so great for me these last weeks. ever since i came back from winter retreat i feel like my lifes been changed anew. ive got so many great things going for me now. ive got great god, great friends, great girl, and great life in general. i know i havent been a good friend to some of you guys lately, and im sorry for that. ive just been really busy. and i just need for you to know that i love all youguys.

starting tomorrow. the bet is on. no more showers. gross but hey, free movie ticket.

as far as shows go, bleeding through/sinai beach is in sight for me, im excited to go. tomorrow, actually today, thursday is my good friend kyle cowards birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BASTARD! i hope i can make it to his party. im sure its gonna be fun.

i really hope everyone eles is doing well and if you arent, i hope things turn out better. thats it for now.

new year

Thu, 01 Jan 2004 20:21:19 GMT

so yeah, its jan first. of twothousandandfour and it doesnt really feel any different. except in my motivations to try to become a better person in general. and i guess thats my new years resolution. last night i spent the new years countdown with tara, on the phone. i really wouldnt have had it any other way. it w as nice. i was tired though. yesterday i had come back from a church retreat and it drained me, but energized me at the same time too.

my room is seriously such a mess. my resolution for today is to clean it. i think im going to break it though.

i want some new shoes.

update

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 06:31:48 GMT

so school seems like it will never end and all that really keeps me going is music and friends. the last two weekends i went to throwdown and bury your dead. bury your dead show rocked the td show. i have bruises in all the same places and an extra one on the top of my head! i saw a lot of the same people i see all the time. and i also brian and kyle and jorge. seeing them was cool. i consider them one of my best friends, yet i hardly ever get to see them. i really need to han gout with them and have some band practice. speaking of best friends. its so wierd that i have a few, and that i rarely hang out with them. or maybe it just lately. its not like im busy all the time. its the damn distance.

christmas is coming up. yet it doesnt feel like it. maybe the mornings. but its still always hot in the afternoons. that sucks. i want the feeling to come in already. i cant wait till i get some presents (aka money) so i can buy some clothes. i got blood on one of my pants and the other pair ripped at the knee. and my shoes are really torn up. so yeah. presents = bling bling

my friday night

Sat, 22 Nov 2003 23:21:05 GMT

so we planned this night in advance for i think a month. we were supposed to go watch a movie. kill bill was the movie we wanted to see. instead we saw radio. i ahd to find a ride. i tried to find anyone willing to give me a ride down to palos verdes. unfortunately, it wasnt happening. i decided the only way to get there was by transit. i took the bus all the way down and found myself on hawthorne and indian peak. so i give her a call and she tells me to meet at starbucks. i sit and i see this small figure emerge out of the darkness. it was her! i was excited and at the same time relieved that we found each other. we proceeded to the movies, but i wanted to eat. so we went to rubios. before last night, i had never been there. i ordered a kids meal with a bean and cheese burrito. it was tasty. we played witht he toy that they gave us and i drank rasberry iced tea. so after we headed for the movies and went in forty minutes late. it didnt really matter to me. even tho i eventually got into the movie, that wasnt what i came for. just being with her was okay with me. after the movie ended, we headed to a different starbucks and i didnt even know it was different. we took pictures. well she just took a couple of pictures of me. and one of them is my newly made icon! yeah. then we took the newspaper and did some doodling. then we headed over to the bus stop where we waited for the bus to come so i could go home. we played slide and i won. not once. not twice. but three or four times! but i guess its cuz i looked like a big dork and had my mouth open. then she left and the bus came. overall good night. i enjoyed it and i hope you did too. we gotta have another one.

right now

Wed, 12 Nov 2003 18:15:16 GMT

its 10 am and im at home because my neck wont let me turn it to the left. it hurts like shit. i think ihave to get it checked out or something. i had to miss a day of school. it couldnt have happened at a worse time because this girl was supposed to give me a slice of strawberry cheesecake!!! i could ALMOST taste it. but yeah. im here watching the wayne brady show sideways and he doesnt make a good show host. hahah. i was watching good day live earlier and they were sayin how jay leno and david letterman are one of the fastest and wittiest people there. i think i can be just as good as them. but i dont know about doing it night after night. black and white tv gets really boring. and i really love the random antics by the family guy. oh yeah. i have compiled a christmas list.so here goes.

1. two pairs of shoes.
2. two pairs of jackets.
3. volume one and two of the family guy.
4. a decent job so i can have some cashflow so i can buy other people presents.

the list will continue as i think more. if you guys want to post something you want to have for christmas, feel free to comment.

change of plans

Sun, 02 Nov 2003 23:07:08 GMT

so im not gonna be at the show tonight to go see between the buried and me. theyre playing again in december so ill be able to wait. instead ill be going to zao tomorrow with beloved.

so my weekend didnt turn out the way i planned. maybe its a little better....

halloween...

Sun, 02 Nov 2003 08:59:06 GMT

it was the perfect day for halloween, a friday and the rain had to ruin it. well my day wasnt too good, mainly because nothing happened.

we tried to goto some parties but the rain really killed it. after going all around town, we just chilled at greysons house and hung out. that was pretty much our day. at least i could've gotten some candy. :(

today was a little different. we headed over to a torrance party and man it was pretty cool, except that i was freezing my tits off in the cold weather. i had no jacket or anything! but i did see a lot of people i knew. not that many.

after that party got broken up, we headed over to this girl, colleens house. that was a bust. everyone was passed out and drunk. after that we decided to go home.

tomorrow, im going to go see btbam,showcase hope to see people there. it's been a while since i've been to a show and so im excited. btbam has many good mosh parts which might turn out to good clean fun.

well im really tired. and soon ill have a digital camera to make my journal look more attractive cuz you know thats all you guys look at.

the game

Sat, 04 Oct 2003 05:40:55 GMT

today was a really fun day. school was normal as usual. the layout i made for yearbook might be chosen. that makes me happy. everyone on staff had to make one and a lot of people seem to like mine. and if that happens, it will be cool cuz i was a part of north high history? lame i guess. after school i came home and round up six bucks to go get my tire fixed and i was walking my bike over to circle cyle the bike shop when this guy on his bike going the other way tells me that he can fix my bike up so i say okay. and as we started fixing i found out his son went to north to and that he would be at the football game today. its cool to see people helping other people out. it inspires me to be a better person. so i was pretty happy and then i walk over to cassandras house cuz we were supposed to goto the game and so we start walking. we get there and we meet these little kids from AUSTRALIA. now this is what made our day. they had the coolest accents and i asked them a lot of questions. i met this 5th grader name blake burling! and one of them gave me a 50 cent coin that ill try to keep forever. there was this kid joel who was a total pervert haha and thought my friend ashley was hot. all the aussie kids thought that the cheer leaders were hot too. haha as we were talking to them, our school team was playing san pedro. and they damn well lost. our team sucks so bad. anyways these aussie kids were so funnyy and i learned a lot and i think they learned a lot about us too. they were fascinated by my stretched ears. haha after the game. we shook hands with all those little kids and started our walk home. we went into the church next to my house and me and eunice swung on the swings for a while and talked about the postal service and rilo kiley. i wish it would rain. this day is one i will never forget. <33 xoxo

the weekend

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 00:35:58 GMT

this weekend was really fun. on friday i went to see the bled and static lullaby. the bands played well but i didnt like the crowd, i didnt know people hardcore danced for static lullaby. well they do. the bled played well. joe brown almost got in a fight. haah. i saw lato there. i could say with confidence that i had much more fun last night at the underoath/atreyu show. nightfall played first but i missed like theyre whole set! theyre good tho. then scars played. i was really sore and thought i wouldnt be able to dance, but the adrenaline got me going and so i went in and did my thang. i saw james and he bought me an underoath shirt! i met this other guy aaron, and kyle, whom ive never met before. i saw this dude shawn from my school, which was cool, cuz there arent any hardcore kids at my school. noone. except me? so yeah. then underoath came out, and i had a blast! but theyre set was too short. atreyu came out and i two-stepped a lot. there were too many big football jocks in there. i didnt like em. if i wasnt so small. id beat them up! but all i can do is attempt to have fun. and i did. today my dad brought home crabs and we broke em and ate em. that was fun. while watching the raiders win over the bengals! oh yeah. that sums up my day until now. oh yeah i tried calling tara a bagajillion times but no. her phone is ALWAYS off. i just wanna scream into her machine. but its okay. it will all be okay<33 you better

yeahhh

Fri, 05 Sep 2003 08:27:46 GMT

charles is the #1254 most common female name.
0.006% of females in the US are named charles.
Around 7650 US females are named charles!
source namestatistics.com

so i didnt know girls were named charles hahahahahhaha

and for the real one.. hehe

charles is the #8 most common male name.
1.523% of men in the US are named charles.
Around 1865675 US men are named charles!
source namestatistics.com

be my friend!

Sun, 31 Aug 2003 06:44:39 GMT

Closest 50 non-Friends for pawnshoppromise:
1: lipstick_stains, 2: keyboardfailure, 3: beauty_dies, 4: lylpinker, 5: nfg_fans, 6: nostalgicmoment, 7: stoopidcrap, 8: weird, 9: love_machinee, 10: it_dies_today, 11: kingscannotfall, 12: rocky_raccoon, 13: o_doctor_doctor, 14: charliex4444, 15: hearts_on_paper, 16: _lovely_bones, 17: oneamradio, 18: ablasor, 19: oinevercaredo, 20: bob_doesnt_rock, 21: coldstwintrtale, 22: prettty_pistol, 23: llpurebloodll, 24: cherries_r_good, 25: twist_the_truth, 26: shes_the_blade, 27: twiterpated, 28: sitting_on_laps, 29: chypmunk, 30: drapedinflowers, 31: punks_smell, 32: _myfacade, 33: borrowed_sextoy, 34: corpsesbecome, 35: elhombrebenn, 36: genetic_sex, 37: isitstanding, 38: go_speed_racer, 39: letmepunchyou, 40: rockxoutxtime, 41: the_keys, 42: wetzel, 43: xrockallnite, 44: xcurlupandlivex, 45: smallboned, 46: _tragic_endings, 47: yourbeautykills, 48: cigareteburn646, 49: neon_hearts, 50: hes_the_blade

What is TrustFlow? Ask questions here!

Sweatyy...

Thu, 28 Aug 2003 06:37:01 GMT

sweat

Blood, Sweat, and Tears
brought to you by Quizilla

update

Tue, 26 Aug 2003 03:35:48 GMT

this weekend was a crazy one to say the least.

on friday i went to brians house and then from there we went to see itdiestoday who were coming to california for the first time. it was a really good show and the singer elbowed me in the face! the memories. i saw toni there which was a plus but she didnt seem to enjoy the show :( its okay tho. i bought a couple of shirts and they look badass, now i got some clothes for the school year! hahah.

on saturday, me and brian(asxhopexdies) headed over to kyles(everyxtimexidie) house to jam out and hang out and it was really fun. we chilled and worked on our music for a while before we headed out to chain reaction to see fallout boy. they were cool, considerning i only knew one song and i sang my heart out. haha during the song some fucking fatass dick kept pushing me and knocked one of my plugs out. when that happened, i started thinking about whether to just take em both out cuz i dont want just one plug. haha so yea. after they finished, i walked around and found it!! it was missing the o ring but i didnt care because what are the odds of finding missing plugs at a show!! i was really happpy.. i met lots of people there like ashley(holdmenow) and sarah who did the nasty on my roof and kyles gf's friends. i also saw my homegirl jen who took me home afterwards. that day was just a really fun day overall, when i woke up the next day i felt happy and relaxed. only if all my days were like that. <33

on sunday, i was torn between a couple of shows. i couldve seen sinai beach or throwdown. i wanted to see sinai beach more for some reason so i go around looking for rides but i couldnt find any so i went with reliable sarah(undayapello) to take us. it was gonna be me alex(xfortyxsevenx) and sarah. as sarah calls to pick me up, she sadly tells me that alex couldnt go. i was seriously sad and i prayed that something good would come out of this but couldnt think of how it would. so as me and sarah are driving to the place, alex calls and says he can make it!! long story short we get there and i never saw so many people for a hardcore show but i mean its throwdown you can expect that. terror and every time i die also played and yea, the pits were a sight to see. before we left i bought myself some single flare plugs even tho i wanted double flares cuz theyre better but yea i got them and they look pretty cool.

today was registration for my school. it made me realize how soon im going to start school and be a senior and have to start worrying about college and stuff like that. its a scary thought. but senior year is gonna be really fun and cool. im gonna live it up. so next show up on the list will tentatively be the bleeding through show at chain on the 5th. other shows that i want to goto are the tbs/saves the day show and the underoath show on the 13th i really want to see them and/or be their singer. haha i know it seems impossible but i dunno. it would be a dream come true. and i think i better end this.<333 xoxooo

it dies today!

Fri, 22 Aug 2003 21:46:35 GMT

well tonight is the show! its gonna be good, and im excited. if you go, i hope to see you there!! <3 xoxo

back...

Fri, 22 Aug 2003 00:10:58 GMT

so im back, and i feel good to be home. one of my lizards died which was saddening. but then i got a letter and my paycheck so then i was happy again. all these mixed feelings. haha anyways. i went to this church retreat and it was really fun. i met many new people and learned a lot. today was the ventura show but im not gonna be able to make that, im just gonna goto skateland on saturday. tomorrow im gonna go see it dies today, and i know its going to be sick. i really cant wait. i guess ill use today as a rest day, but if anyone wants to talk, go right ahead. so yea. im gonna end it here, cuz im stuck on what to write so ill see you later.

im gone...

Mon, 18 Aug 2003 16:43:20 GMT

im leaving today and wont be back till thursday :?. ill see you guys then.. <33 oxo

Mon, 18 Aug 2003 04:16:28 GMT

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">20</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your nickname</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">CrAzIe Rocker </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your favorite band</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Jimmy Eat World </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">What you wear to try to get backstage</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Miniskirt </td></tr>

Find your inner teeniebopper by clinicallydorky

Created with quill18</a>'s MemeGen!

my birthday

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 06:18:05 GMT

my birthday comes in about an hour.....

x games

Fri, 15 Aug 2003 16:14:16 GMT

im about to go watch the x games..fun? only if its street skating.

last night

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 19:24:11 GMT

last night i had a lot of fun. i went to memories in uptown to see beauty till death and as hope dies.during btd a fight broke out. it was dumb. but a little exciting hehe. i saw many people i knew and it was nice seeing them. i just wish that i could see them more often and hang out, but i live way far and no means of transportation. i talked to toni finally, that was good. but the music was soooo loud, it was hard. as hope dies went one and they were fuckin sooo good. everyone wanted the mic yesterday!! there was like two mics going around. haha i felt sorry for the singer, he looked beat. man the pits were fuckin insane yesterday, AND the best part was that at breakdown fest i told him to play letters, and they did! i was sooo happy that i was dancing, but then i got knocked over. i didnt know what happened but my friend told me that my head hit someones ass. haha. i didnt get hurt tho so i live for another day. i really want to see btd again next week, but man that means i have to goto 4 shows in a row. thats going to be a mission. if anyone is nice enough to give me a ride, ill glady accept! <33 xoxox

pepsi smash can kiss my ass

Wed, 13 Aug 2003 04:25:03 GMT

so today i woke up pretty early, it was sorta wierd, i was really hot and sweating, like i was sick or something, but i dont feel sick. i was contemplating whether to goto this pepsi smash thing just to see one band, but i thought it would be fun because i wouldnt be at home doing nuthin. the upside, there were many pretty girls to look at. the downside is that we went all the way there to see noone. and on top of that, they made us pay 6 bucks for fucking parking. okay i mean i wouldnt be mad if we were late and couldnt get floor, but we were the first bus out of there. we waited there the longest just for noothing?? thats the worst bullshit of them all. i did meet a few nice girls and we talked a little, they came from sandiego! i felt way more bad for them. they had to drive all the 3 hours back for nothing! okay and so we left, and we ate some beefbowls at yoshinoya, it was really good and we hadnt eaten there in a long time so it was a delightful surpise. so now im home bored again. but there are very cool people that talk to me online, are YOU one of them?? <333 xoxox